Lost in Thought

One of the things that sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom is our ability to think. He's given this ability as a catalyst for free will.

But hmm. What have I been thinking about? Everything, obviuosly - ranging from girls to grades to God, the three G's. (for girls it would be guys, obviously.)

Brokeness

You can take a hammer to break a hard heart, but He chose to do it with love. To help me see things from a different point of view; to break my negativities. I am like a jar of clay, ready to be molded and transformed into something great, something strong and marvelous. But first, one needs to be swept clean of grime and wickedness; receptive and obedient to be made into a work of art.

I find myself talking to Him a lot more; and it's definitely steered my path in the right direction. He's taken my burdens, allowing me to take the lighter yolk. Taking the pain and suffering which I deserve so that I can be full of praise. I've been really glad nowadays; for the people, activities, and opportunities I've been given. I've always taken friends for granted, thinking I should deserve them. In actuality, it was He who gave the community, fellowship, and love that I enjoy now. Thinking back to my olden days, I've realized that I have changed a lot, gaining things that I have once never dreamed of having. Let everything that posseses the energy, be grateful for who they are and what they have. Sometimes we're so blinded by our ambitions that we don't see the light. It's human nature for the dark to be afraid of light; it's the theory of opposites. But through Him, the darkened ones are able to be reconciled with the light; able to be clean and pure.

Fire and Patience

Looking back on saturday, the bad things that happened to me weren't actually that bad. Getting bruised and cut as well as being late for missions training was rough at the time, but the next day is a new beginning. The bad events eventually led to short-patience and I exploded on one of my friends. It was like burning a bridge that was ever full of interactions between us. The Bible says that you should always be Christlike and be a good witness in relationships, trying to maintain it no matter the cost. What I need now is time to wash away the dirt and grime called pain from their hearts.

It's just that I was really mad at some people for the things they've done, thinking that they were my good close friends. I see that they lack a lot of direction and I get impatient with what they're doing with their lives. I mean, everybody should live their life the way they want, but they just seem to live it inefficiently, not taking the right paths. What I need is to be patient with them, and allow time to change them. He'll be working in them too, molding, shaping them to be something great.

A Rush of Blood to the Head

So much to do, so little time. I'm in that overambitious phase again. Everyday, I find myself studying like 6 hrs and feeling numb afterwards. I close my eyes and a rush of blood comes to my head. Suddenly, I recollect everything I did the past few hours. Sometimes I really think my brain's gonna melt. I'm pushing myself almost to the point of exhaustion. I question myself; is this really worth it? I believe all this supposed hard work will get me somewhere in the future. Will the merit really be worth the effort I put into my activities? I believe and hope so. I just hope I can make it till the end. It would be so much better if someone would help carry me.

My life is like a desert. Much of it is dry sand that entraps unprepared victims, but every once in a while, there is an oasis to refuel the weary. There is no rest for the traveler that wants to stay alive.

The Eye of the Night

It was raining today with a very low temperature outside, so consequently, everything froze over. It was a bit eerie and mysterious but nevertheless beautiful. During the peak of the night, I went photo hunting for beautiful, frozen scenery. Reconnecting with nature is always refreshing - thinking of the Creator and the greatness of him. I've come to realize one can find tranquility and peace sometimes in the simplest things. One doesn't NEED ambition to fill up them up with business and success. Once again, simplification and moderation is needed; not too much, not too little, not too hard, not too easy. Finding and sustaining the Via Media isn't easy, but is well worth the effort of self-control and persistance

Reluctance?

To go back or not to go back? That is the question. I think everybody has that ambivalency towards returning to the dreaded, yet breath-taking scene of Umich. I mean, sure everybody dreads starting new classes, but im sure everybody loves to see their friends and enjoy the sites to see on campus. Bah, for me, it's another crack at getting good grades and promenade through the social scene. Hello Michigan. Again.

Gains and Losses

After a fight, there's always a winner and a loser, sometimes, but rarely a tie. It's just saddening to see people so unable to mediate an answer and come to an agreement admist a conflict. I guess it's sometimes unreasonable to believe a lot of people can transcend their human selfishness to see things from an eternal perspective.

Sometimes people are just so cyclical. Out of vengeance, they harm others, creating a contingent grudge. The grudge spits up cyclical destruction and relationships are damaged.

This semester, I've had conflicts with numerous friends. Sure I have made many friends, but I have also lost a few, and especially some close ones. I still strive to reach out to them, but at times it seems so futile. This is because they are so insuspectible to change. Some people just have hard hearts that are stubborn and selfish. They only seek to benefit themself and are unable to see things in society's view. They seek to elevate themselves by putting others down. These people just seem like a burden on society.

Trying to understand this, I realize it is simply human nature to be selfish. It's just an innate characteristc for one to improve his/herself. Even these people seem so repugnant, I still love them. People are still people. Love must transcend everything else to truly impact someone. The only chance people will change is if they are exposed to love. It seems like love can soften a hardened heart, leaving it suspectible to change.

Listening to the new Starfield CD (thx TJ), one song talks about finding beauty in brokenness and broken people, how love can change everything. It's inspiring to be reaffirm that there are other people that share my point of view.

Toxic

Lately, I've been downing various types of energy and heavily caffeinated drinks to sustain my mental apparatus in preparation for the difficult final examinations. Well, recently, I've been informed by an experienced college friend that they seriuosly bloat you up and just aren't good for you in general. I've experienced that first hand when I dropped a few improptu deuces and felt a certain burning. Ok, I won't get into that.

But my point is that, I'm putting all I have into my studies, and the ends justifies the means. I have no other choice but to be a soldier and steadfastly withstand the trials and tribulations of college. I'm sure my parents would be proud of me ... at least to some extent.

At least these things are the real deal and do give you bursts of energy to complete essays and exams. Except, these things are all chemicals just running through your body. I'm gonna hopefully switch over to this:
This at least has natural coffee beans. Hopefully I won't die from these items of toxicity.

Nostalgia

Taking rest breaks to sustain my sanity, I would often venture onto the seventh floor, in search of the friendliness and hospitality of Tim Jin. The other day, I found myself playing classics such as Castlevania and Super Mario Brothers 3. Every second that my eyes and ears were in tune with games, the memories of my youth and innocence flood back in. The music reminded me of the careless days where Tim and I would play games till we die. It was refreshing to reminisce my past; to remember my previous dreams and goals and to evaluate my current standings (in which i realized I should stop playing to finish studying).

The amazing thing that I discovered the other day, was that Jenny Choi was a PRO in Super Mario Brothers 3. She so easily defeat multitudes of koopas, those ugly potato like enemies, and bosses in a flash. I was awe-struck and I found a new profound respect for her and all the other good female video game players.